New Miley Cyrus Pics Leaked!

Dark days are upon us my friends! First Miley Cyrus does a photo shoot with Vanity Fair which has inappropriate pictures of her crack-heady looking back showing... then we start seeing inappropriate pictures of her doing things that a teenager would do!

Scandalous!

When I saw this picture of her in a bikini posing with her dog faced friend, I thought to myself "Dammit! If I cant rely on TV to raise my children, who the hell is going to raise them? Certainly not ME!!!" So what in the world are we going to do folks? If we cant rely on television to raise our kids, we are in a world of shit! I sure wish the government would step in here and tell me how I'm supposed to think, because this is all getting to be too much!

What happened to all the role models? I dont want my kids looking up to some egghead scientist, or someone curing diseases, or someone trying to make a difference in the world. What kind of world would we end up with if that happened? If you ask me, it isnt worth calling someone a roll model unless they have a Myspace page and or make movies aimed at the teenaged demographic. I thought we had that in Vanessa Hudgens until the scandal of her nude pictures erupted! At that point I despaired... I considered putting arsenic into the kids kool-aid and being done with it, because there are just no more heros!

Then out of the blue I heard that someone named Hannah Montana had a concert that weekend, and apparently tickets were going for as much as $2,000 each! The way I see it, if someone can get that much for a concert ticket, they must be someone I can trust to show my kids the difference between right and wrong! So I immediately turned on the Disney Channel, sat the kids in front of it, took all of their coloring and educational books and set them on fire on the front lawn.
The show seemed to keep them amused. She sings these awful songs with a synthesized voice that is nothing like her own, and the kids LOVE IT! So I relaxed and figured that the problem was solved. We have a new role model, and the burden of teaching my children is now shifted back into the able hands of Hollywood! This gave me much more time to read People and Us Magazines and contemplate who the hottest celebs were and to write letters complaining about celebs that I felt were erroneously left off the list. I was living the dream, right?

Nope. These darn inappropriate Miley Cyrus pictures came out and ruined my life. Now the kids want to talk to me again, they want to go outside, and as a result of their increased physical activity I have to feed them more... We're up to 4 visits to McDonalds a day! They're getting so fat and ill from all the McDonalds food that Im considering suing McDonalds for doing this to me (and them).

I'm no expert on this phenomena of young celebrity girls compromising pictures by any means, so I've decided to consult with an expert in the area and get his take on all of this. So without further ado, let me introduce our new field correspondent and expert on the subject, Pedobear!

Me: Thank you for joining us!


Pedobear: Oh, its my pleasure. I have a bit of community service to work off as a result of a "misunderstanding" from a few months back, so I'm glad to help!

Me: Well, lets jump right in then... The Vanessa Hudgens nude pics. She was underaged when they were taken...

Pedobear: And hot!

Me: Ok, but anyway, she seemed like a great role model for children, but this has kind of changed everything, hasnt it!

Pedobear: Not at all. I think she is still a great role model for children. I think it is important for young girls to take nude pictures of themselves, and even more important to post them on websites I frequent!

Me: Umm, thats not really legal or ethical.

Pedobear: There is a reason I'm called Pedobear and not just Bear.

Me: Apparently so. Well, regardless of that, her pictures were met with shock by those of us hoping that High School Musical would be something that we could use to free us from having to raise our own children.

Pedobear: You cant rely on TV to raise your children. You should focus on the internet... specifically chat rooms.

Me: Do you spend a lot of time in chat rooms?

Pedobear: Oh yes, loads! At least nine or ten hours a day. Not to drop names, but Ive met NBCs Chris Hanson several times!

Me: That doesnt sound right to me. But anyway, now Miley Cyrus has these pictures leaked onto the web, and again... we're stuck looking for someone else on TV to teach our children! It isnt right! Who are our children supposed to look up to? Who are they supposed to turn to for life lessons and to learn right from wrong?

Pedobear: Well, why dont you just tell them to visit me at xxx.xxxxxxxxx.xxx?[redacted] I'll teach them some life lessons they wont soon forget!

Me: I dont know. Im still hoping that there will be someone else on the Disney Channel I can turn to for those things, but I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for your time though.

Pedobear: My pleasure, and if you dont mind, could I get a copy of those Miley Cyrus pictures? Im a big fan!

Well, that kind of went in a direction I wasnt too comfortable with, but none the less, we are left wondering who will raise our children if High School Musical and Hannah Montana have dropped the ball on us.

Should we start paying real attention to our children?

Should we teach our children that TV is make-believe, and it isnt something to be emulated?

Should we tell our children that Vanessa Hudgnes and Miley Cyrus made mistakes, and that people make mistakes, and that they should learn from those mistake so they dont make the same mistakes themselves?

Nah, lets just wait this out and see if Disney will provide us with someone else to raise our children for us... Im leaning towards those Zach and Cody kids myself.